


Silent Betrayal

by Fireplum



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireplum/pseuds/Fireplum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "Silent Avowal". Fili's passion gets in the way of his unfailing loyalty, but he finds betraying one's heart isn't any easier than betraying one's family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m not saying it’s not a real weapon, lad - I’m just saying that in most cases, it won’t get the job done.”

Kili sulked down at his beer. He had tried to convince Dwalin many times that a bow and arrow were as good a way as any to defend oneself, but the old warrior would not relent. Fili nudged his brother and slipped him a conniving look to cheer him, but Kili was still deep in thought.

“If you think so poorly of archery, why did you have me practise it?” he asked after a moment.

“You seem to be better at it than most,” Dwalin shrugged. “Besides, it can be very useful for hunting game. You’re not going to kill a pheasant or even a deer by throwing your axe at it or cutting it down with your sword, are you?”

“I don’t care about hunting! If I’m ever in a battle, faced with a dozen orcs…”

“Then you’d best pray your brother is there to lend a hand, eh?”

Dwalin slapped Fili’s shoulder and Fili nodded absently, drawing from his pipe. The soft smoke filled his lungs and he slowly let it escape from his lips while he watched Meleda on the other side of the inn. Every so often she would glance up at him, so briefly he doubted anyone else would notice, but it was quite enough to stir the tender ache in the pit of his stomach. Every night now when he came to the Stone Raven with his companions after a day’s work, their eyes played this secret game and Fili found he quite excelled at it. In fact, he was growing bolder in his pursuit of her attention. The flush of her cheeks and the way her breath hitched just a little when she saw him spurred him on to the point of being almost careless.

“You can’t deny archery has the advantage of distance, though,” he told Dwalin for good measure. “If you’ve already taken down five orcs while they run to the attack, there’s only seven left to kill in close combat.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Dwalin replied with a snort.

“If that’s the sort of thing Mother has been hearing all these years, it’s no wonder she won’t let us travel with you and Uncle Thorin,” Kili said, half-laughing.

Fili smirked and took another draw. Smoke coiled lazily to the ceiling. Meleda looked at him, a small smile playing on her lips, and put down the cup she had been wiping clean on the counter. 

It happened in a second and slowly all at once. Her eyes were still on him and she wasn’t paying any mind to where she was placing the cup. She pushed it into an earthenware pitcher and it toppled on the edge of the counter for an instant before falling to the ground and smashing into pieces.

The innkeeper, who was counting his money at the till, rounded on her immediately.

“You clumsy fool!” he barked. “I’ll teach you!”

He grabbed her wrist and smacked her hard in the face. A wave of abrupt fury washed over Fili and he rose from his stool, blood pounding.

“Fili, what are you doing?” Kili cried.

“Don’t, lad!” Dwalin warned, clutching his arm, but Fili wrenched it free and stomped to the front of the inn.

Meleda was covering her face with her arm and trying to step back out of harm’s way, but the innkeeper had a tight grasp on her. He was just about to strike her again when Fili reached the counter.

“Leave her.”

The innkeeper turned towards him, dumbstruck. “What?”

“You heard me,” Fili said, his self-control quickly waning. “Leave her, or you won’t be able to use that hand ever again.”

The innkeeper’s mouth opened as if he was about to laugh but then his eye caught the hilt of the dagger Fili kept in his boot. He backed away slightly, but still didn’t let go of Meleda. She had lowered her arm and was looking from one to the other, her eyes wet with tears. The reddening welt on her cheek made Fili itch to pin the innkeeper’s hand to the counter with his blade.

“You’re a bold little bugger, aren’t you?”

“I could buy your inn and burn it to the ground if I so wished,” Fili spat. “Here, if an earthenware pitcher means so much to you that you’re willing to beat an innocent maid over it, here’s enough to repair the damage.”

He plunged into his pocket, took out a handful of silver coins and threw them onto the counter. It was twenty times what the pitcher was worth, but it was more effective than any threat. The innkeeper released Meleda, eyes gleaming at the sight of the coins, and started to count them greedily. A strong hand gripped Fili’s shoulder.

“We’re leaving,” Dwalin snarled behind him.

“No harm done, master dwarf,” the innkeeper said, suddenly much more polite. “We hope to have your business here again.”

Dwalin led Fili out of the inn with Kili following close behind. For a while they walked in silence but it wasn’t helping either of them to calm down. And indeed, just after they had passed the gates of town and started on the path up to the mountain, Dwalin let his anger explode. 

“I have half a mind to beat some bloody sense into you with my hammer,” he roared. “Are you mad or just plain stupid?”

But Fili, still furious himself, would not back down.

“Did you not see the wretched way he was treating her?”

“That is not our concern!”

“So you were just going to let him beat her and carry on with your conversation?”

“What is it to me? Whether man or woman, boy or girl, the lot of them are only good for trade and nothing else! And when you threaten one of them, you risk the whole town turning on us!”

“Is that the only thing that matters to you? Keeping pleasant relations with these petty shopkeepers even when one of them strikes a helpless girl in front of your eyes? I thought you were a warrior, not a merchant!”

As soon as he had said it, Fili knew he had gone too far. Dwalin’s eyes filled with cold rage.

“Do not think for a minute I don’t know what you’re up to, lad,” he growled. “And don’t pretend you did this out of chivalry. I’ve seen the way you look at that girl, and if I told your uncle half of it, he would smash your head in with his bare fist.”

“Why don’t you, then?” Fili asked defiantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Because Thorin, our king, has more important things to do than listen to tales of your idiocy!” Dwalin bellowed. “But mark my word, I’ll find a way to put at end to it, even if I have to kill you first!”

And with that, he stalked ahead on the path. Fili closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, trying to calm himself. He was in deep trouble now, but what else could he have done? There had never been a choice, despite what Dwalin seemed to think.

When he opened his eyes again, Kili was standing in front of him, his expression solemn and unwavering. His little brother was such a cheerful and carefree person, it always troubled Fili when he suddenly became so sombre.

“I thought what you did was very brave,” Kili said simply.

No matter the circumstances, they had never once wavered in their loyalty to each other, but at that moment Fili was glad to be reminded he wasn’t alone.

 

#

 

Later that evening, when someone knocked on the door to Fili’s room, he was sitting idly at his table, almost as if he were expecting the company about to arrive. He took an instant to run the different possibilities of who it could be through his head. In the best case, it was Kili, but that was unlikely since his brother never bothered to knock; in the worst case, his mother. Could Dwalin really have told her? He had rather face Thorin fully armed and raging than hear what Dis would have to say about the whole ordeal.

The door opened just a crack and Fili, to his great relief, recognised Balin’s crooked nose and snowy beard.

“Can I come in?” the elder dwarf asked amiably.

Fili nodded and Balin stepped inside, closing the door carefully behind him.

“We missed you at dinner.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t really hungry.”

“A dwarf, not hungry? That can only mean one thing.”

Balin smiled but Fili was in no mood to laugh.

“I know what you came to talk to me about,” he muttered. “Dwalin told you everything, did he?”

“He didn’t have to. I can read my brother as well as you can read yours, and I guessed the rest. Truth be told, I feared this might happen sooner or later.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think you are the first dwarf to have fallen for a daughter of men?”

Fili blinked at him, surprised. He certainly hadn’t expected the conversation to start out this way. Balin sat down in front of him with a heavy sigh and stroked his beard in silence for a long moment.

“Our women are as bright and beautiful as the purest of golds,” he said finally. “And when given the chance, we love them more stubbornly and fiercely than our own life. But they have grown too scarce, too guarded. Why, you yourself have lived more than eighty years, yet you have never spoken to a woman that was not of your own kin, have you?”

Fili shook his head in silence. This admission left him embarrassed, but in Balin’s eyes, there was not the slightest hint of amusement or mockery.

“Over time, those of us who don’t marry learn that happiness and gratification come in many other forms,” he continued. “Friendships and feasts, warfare and work. But when you are young and daring, things aren’t so simple. And the daughters of men – ah, they flit around you like leaves in an autumn breeze, and you feel as though you just have to extend your hand to catch one.”

For a moment, Fili thought Balin’s expression looked almost wistful, but it quickly faltered.

“You will find pleasure in it – joy, yes, perhaps even love. And it is in our nature to seize whatever opportunity lays before us with little care for danger or consequences. But make no mistake, it cannot end well, neither for you nor for the girl.”

“That is my problem, not anyone else’s,” Fili countered. “Am I not free to make my own choices? To take my own responsibilities?”

“Your responsibility is with your people. You have always known this and always acted in that manner as well. I have watched you grow, lad, I know you better than you think.”

He was right, Fili reflected grimly. Duty had been his constant companion for years as he sought the approval of his mother and uncle, following orders, perfecting his skills, looking after Kili whose own tendency to get into all sorts of trouble never earned him more than a brief scolding. Fili’s heart revolted against the unfairness of it all. Was he not allowed one moment of blissful forgetfulness? One moment of selfish delight that he could lock away in his heart for himself and himself alone?

“None of us have any say in the fate given to us at birth,” Balin said in a gentle tone, as if he could read his thoughts. “You are the heir of Durin, Fili. There are no promises you can make to her that won’t be lies.”

Fili pressed his lips together and nodded. Balin’s words had hit their mark. If nothing else, he had to think of her. He might think he was saving her, but in fact he was doing her no favours.

“I understand,” he said. “I will try not to give you cause for grievance again. And I’ll apologize to Dwalin.”

Balin got up from his chair, then patted him on the shoulder.

“Don’t you worry about Dwalin, lad, he’s heard far worse in his time. He might even have been a little disappointed neither of you had the chance to take out his weapon and have it out.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note regarding the accents present in some dwarves' names in case it bugs anyone: I haven't figured out how to do them on my azerty keyboard (the only accents I can add gò the wròng wày). Also, I should mention this work is unbeated. I try my best to autocorrect but my excuses in advance if there are still small errors left.

Save for the blackest hours of the night, there were always coming and going in the hall of Ered Luin. Yet Fili remembered the stories Dis used to tell them before sleep, and there was something missing here that made it strangely bare: the pulsing roar of a forge. She had described to them in every detail the great forges of Erebor, the comforting heat that filled the caves and the glow that would never dim, as well as the treasures that came from their fiery mouths.

Of course, there were talks about building one in Ered Luin, but so far no clear plan had been drawn up. Fili suspected Thorin was purposely pushing it back. Once dwarves built a forge somewhere, that somewhere became home, and his uncle was not ready to give up on what he considered was his kin’s true hearth. In the meantime, they would have to work in the forges of men.

Fili and Kili always left the hall before dawn to walk down to Arnvale, sometimes accompanied by Dwalin or Gloin when they had business in town. The older dwarves were skilled enough to pick and choose their employers, but Fili and Kili were still too young and inexperienced to do much else than grunt work, although by human standards their abilities were far from average. At Oswal’s forge, Fili could produce and fit twice as many horseshoes in a day than a grown man, and Kili’s metal work on straps and saddles was sturdy enough to outlast its owner.

That morning neither Dwalin nor Gloin were anywhere to be seen. Fili was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Despite Balin’s reassurance, the shame of what he’d said to Dwalin was still gnawing at him and he was eager to make things right. How could he have acted so rashly? Dwalin had been their master at arms for years and had looked after them and their mother whenever Thorin was gone. Fili had no more right to insult him than he would his own father. Be as that may, there was nothing he could do right now.

As they descended into the valley, Fili tried to keep his troubled thoughts at bay and listened without a word as his brother told him about a new sword he wanted to test. When they reached the gates of the town, he felt no better and Kili was almost out of breath.

“True, it’s heavier than the ones I’m used to,” he said, “but I think I could manage it with some practise.”

“If you say so.”

“Perhaps I could ask Dwalin to show me how to handle it when we get back,” he added with a sideways glance to Fili. “Will you come with me?”

Fili suddenly realised of what his brother was getting at. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“No, and I’m sure Dwalin wouldn’t either.”

“All right. I’ll come.”

Fili smiled and Kili gave him a playful punch to the shoulder. After passing through the gates, they made their way to the forge through the quiet, grey streets. They had almost arrived when Fili noticed a movement on the corner of his eye. A cloaked figure was standing in a steep doorway; under the plain rough-spun hood, he instantly recognised Meleda.

His breath caught and he stopped in spite of himself. She was looking at him timidly and holding her cloak tightly around her thin shoulders, not quite daring to address him. Fili sensed she had been waiting for him for quite some time.

He glanced back at Kili. His brother was observing Meleda warily, but said nothing.

“I’ll only be a minute,” Fili told him.

Kili hesitated, then gave the slightest nod and carried on to the forge. Fili joined Meleda in the doorway.

“My lord, I just wanted to thank you for standing up to my uncle,” she said. “It was a gallant thing you did.”

Fili knew he should reply, but her proximity made it hard to bring his thoughts together. The welt on her cheek had faded somewhat but it was still visible, and he fought the urge to trace it gently with his thumb, as if it would make it disappear. She smelled faintly of smoke and pinewood.

“There is no need to thank me,” he finally answered. “He is not in his right, treating you that way.”

 “If I may, I would ask for your name, so I can know who it is who came to my aid.”

“I am Fili, son of Flain, one of Durin’s folk.”

“I am - ”

“Meleda. Yes, I know.”

She gave him such a shy, sweet smile that his heart wrenched. Yet he knew what he must do.

“You should not come here, my lady. If someone saw us together and it got back to certain people…”

“You mean my uncle?”

“No, I was thinking of my own family.” Fili took a moment to figure out how he could explain this without sounding too cruel. He could hardly repeat what Dwalin had said. “They are… they are distrustful of men, my lady. They would not approve because they wouldn’t understand what we could possibly have to say to each other.”

She hesitated for a moment, a pretty blush colouring her cheeks.

“Could we not meet again, my lord? Somewhere else, if you like, where we would be… out of sight.”

At that moment, there was nothing he wanted more than to accept her offer, take her to a secret place where they would be undisturbed and give in to his ardour. Even so, he forced himself to remember Dwalin’s anger and Balin’s words and held them up over his heart like a shield.

“I don’t think it would be wise.”

A muted sadness filled her eyes but she did not insist. It occurred to Fili that she had probably been taught early on to accept hardships and disappointments in silence. And yet she had come to him. In spite of it all, she still hoped for something better and she had found the courage to act on it. Was it wisdom, then, that made him push her away, or cowardice?

“My lady, it’s not that I don’t want to see you,” he said clumsily. “But I neither do I want to bring you to harm…”

Meleda said nothing. She must have known it was risky, but here in this dim corner, where their bodies were so close they almost touched and there was no room to beat away desire, his words seemed to have no more weight than air. Fili stepped back to give himself countenance.

“Forgive me,” he rasped. “I wish you well.”

He turned around and marched away quickly, certain that if he stayed a moment longer with her, his resolve would falter. When he got to the forge, Kili had already started the fire. He took off his coat, pulled up his sleeves and threw himself into his work, numbing his mind with the clang of his hammer.

 

#

 

He woke up with a start, his eyes opening to solid darkness. For a moment he wasn’t sure if he was awake or still dreaming. He clutched at the linen sheets; they were damp and warm.

Heart beating fiercely, Fili threw his legs over the bed and buried his face in his hands. His skin was wet with sweat. For a moment, he hesitated whether or not to turn on his lantern for fear of someone noticing the light coming from his room, but he needed to see his surroundings to tear away the last shreds of dream from his mind.

He felt for the lantern and lit it with his flint. The low light cast familiar shadows on the rugged walls and Fili took a deep breath. Even if he was now fully aware of reality, the memory of his dream grappled his senses. Some details were hazy but other stood out sharply in his mind, and he clearly remembered her face, her soft, dark eyes and her searing lips, her pale body. His own lust had been so vivid, so real, that it still pulsed within him and pinned him to his mattress. He had never experienced such a feeling of want. In his dream, he had let it wash over him unabashedly and had taken her without hesitation, pressing her against the bare rock, moving within her with a force he didn’t know he had while her moans urged him on.

Fili lay back down and ran the image over and over again in his head, embarrassed and elated at the same time. In the dead of night, in the intimacy of his own room, surely he could do away with reason for once and give in to his yearning. He turned his lantern off again.

Yet even after he was spent, even after sweet release swept him into sleep again, Fili knew the moment he woke up the next morning that relief was only temporary. The dream still stuck to his skin and hovered over his mind, and his thoughts were ready to slip back into it at the slightest push. What if Meleda was waiting for him again on the way to the forge? And even if she wasn’t, they would inevitably cross paths in town sooner or later. At the thought of seeing her again, his chest clenched in panic. This time no wise words would help. If she asked again, he wouldn’t have the strength to refuse her.

He took a hot bath to calm his nerves before breakfast and scrub off what was left of the night, but it didn’t help much. When he entered his uncle’s rooms to have breakfast with his family, he was sure they would sense it all over him, but Kili was entirely focused on his food and his mother just smiled pleasantly at him.

“Good morning, son. Did you sleep well?”

“Fine,” Fili mumbled, sitting down next to Kili and helping himself to some bread and butter.

Thorin was sitting next to Dis. He glanced up at Fili and gave him a curt nod, then tore off a piece of a round loaf and chewed slowly before speaking.

“I need to send an envoy to Kern and see how our brothers are faring there,” he said. “With the winter snows and spring rains, we haven’t heard from them in awhile. Now that summer has come, it’s high time we sent for news.”

“Who are you thinking of sending?” Dis asked.

“Perhaps Palin and Prin. They are able riders.”

“You mean Mal’s brothers?” Kili exclaimed. “Those two oafs will get lost at the first crossroad.”

Thorin gave a deep laugh. “And you would fare better, perhaps?”

“Kili is right,” Fili blurted out. “Palin and Prin would botch the mission. Why not send us instead?”

His brother turned towards him, startled. Even Thorin seemed slightly taken aback.

“Really?” he said. “You would ride to Kern and back with your brother?”

“Kern is only three days’ ride from Arnvale, and it’s not a dangerous road in the summer.”

“Won’t Oswal mind if you leave for a few days?” Dis asked uncertainly.

Fili paused, unwilling to lie outright to his mother. The truth was Oswal would probably throw a small fit over it.

Thorin gave a sniff of disdain. “What does it matter? Fili and Kili are destined for greater things than working for a blacksmith. When their royal duties are reinstated, they will most likely have to travel to meet our people. It’s just as well that they get used to it now.”

Dis nodded but she didn’t seem entirely convinced. Fili didn’t know if it was because she didn’t believe they would ever take back Erebor or because she simply didn’t want to let her two sons stray so far from her, but he knew better than to ask.

“It’s settled then,” Thorin said. “You will leave tomorrow morning. Give notice to Oswal of your absence and go see to your equipment.”

The two brothers nodded and rose from the table. Once they were safely outside the dining hall, Kili took Fili’s arm and dragged him in a small corner of the corridor where no one would hear them.

“What was that all about?” he asked in a low voice. “Why were you so eager to take Palin and Prin’s place?”

“I thought you would be pleased,” Fili replied. “You’re always going on about the wonders of travel and adventures on the road.”

“I am pleased. But I’m just… surprised you would jump to the occasion so quickly!” He frowned, then his face lit up with sudden realisation. “It’s because of that girl, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re up to something! You were as twitchy as a cat when you came in for breakfast. What did she say to you yesterday?”

“Nothing,” he hissed, trying to move around his brother, but Kili crossed his arms over his chest and planted himself firmly in front of him. “All right, I admit I thought it would be good for me to get out of town for a few days – but only because it’ll make it easier to forget about the whole incident.”

“She propositioned you,” Kili said in awe, completely oblivious to Fili’s explanation.

“She – what? Are you mad? She just came to thank me! Meleda is a gentle maid and she would never -”

“Oh, so it’s _Meleda_ now, is it? You’re not fooling me, brother. She wants to be your paramour.”

Fili shook his head. “I don’t even know what that means! And where do you get these ridiculous notions anyway? Have you been sneaking into Balin’s study again and reading drudgery about beautiful elf maidens falling for mortals?”

Kili glowered at him. When they were younger, any tales and poems involving elves had been forbidden to them, and especially the tale of Beren and Luthien. But the temptation had been too strong for Kili. Thorin had caught him red-handed at the foot of Balin’s bookshelf, indulging in the tragic story of the elf maid and her lover, and it had earned him the harshest scolding of his life.

“That has nothing to do with it!” he protested. “Perhaps I’m just a little more learned in the matters of love than you are!”

Fili pushed him asides. “Or perhaps you’re just a little daft.”

“If I’m daft, what does that make you?” Kili said, pushing him back.

They started down the corridor. Kili was still pouting but Fili knew that in a little while, his brother would forget he was angry and by the time they were out on the road, he would be in high spirits again. Fili could only hope that didn’t mean he would start asking questions again, or it would be a very long trip indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for the loooooong hiatus. This part is a bit of a transition chapter, but you'll get a much longer update soon (and not in six months, promise). I hope everyone enjoyed "Desolation of Smaug" as much as I did.

The sun was falling hard on their backs and the air buzzing with insects when they arrived in Kern. Fili felt as if he could hardly breathe. The small town was lodged in a cramped valley surrounded by tall, dark pines. A few mills lined the edge of a sputtering mountain brook and isolated cottages were scattered on the mountain slope.

 

“We need to take the road on the left,” he said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

 

“Are you sure?” Kili asked. “Shouldn’t we be getting closer to the village?”

 

“Our cousins don’t live with the men. We need to push on into the forest.”

 

Kili shrugged and urged his pony forward behind Fili’s. At this point, both of them simply wanted to get off their mounts and change out of their heavy riding gear.

 

They made their way onto the uneven path between the trees. But before they were even in sight of any home, a voice boomed through the forest.

 

“Oi there! What brings the heirs of Durin to these parts?”

 

Fili pulled on his reins and looked around. At first, he couldn’t see anything, but soon a familiar figure appeared from between the trees, with dark braids, a wide grin and an axe slung over his shoulder.

 

“Fili, it’s Bofur!” Kili exclaimed. They had both recognised him immediately, even though they hadn’t seen him in many years. “Hello there! Are we on the right path?”

 

“For sure you are,” Bofur said. He climbed down the slope to greet them and they clasped each other’s forearms hardily, as was custom for kin. “Just keep going straight on and you’ll arrive at our humble abode. Bombur should be there making dinner as we speak.”

 

“That’s great, I’m starving,” Kili said.

 

“Will you not be joining us?” Fili asked.

 

“I have to finish my work for the day. I have a whole load of wood that needs to be delivered tomorrow. But don't worry, I'll be right with you.”

 

He gave them an amicable nod and climbed up the slope again, disappearing into the forest.

 

“Come on then, Kili,” Fili said, pressing his pony’s sides. “It won’t be long now.”

 

Indeed, they soon arrived in a narrow clearing. A cottage had been built next to a rocky bluff, and digging tools lay on the ground here and there; inside the stone, someone had hollowed out a makeshift furnace. A small square in the ground had also been cleared for a vegetable patch, and a few chickens were pecking corn in a pen.

 

Fili frowned. He had never seen dwarves live in this sort of place. Why hadn’t they dug their home into the bluff? He had always figured that all the dwarves living in the mountains had similar ways as theirs, but then he had never thought to ask Balin or his uncle about it.

 

Both brothers dismounted their ponies and tied the reins to a wooden post, then ambled towards the door, waiting to be invited inside the house. Their cousins Bifur and Bombur were both sitting at the table, the first carving what looked like a bird in a block of wood and the second chopping up vegetables. Behind him, a cauldron bubbled softly over the hearth and a mouth-watering aroma filled the room.

 

“Oh, my princes of Durin!” Bombur exclaimed in a jolly voice when he saw them. “Come in! We were expecting you. I prepared my finest stew in honour of your presence.”

 

“That’s very kind of you,” Fili said. “But there’s no need to fuss over us, we’re just two dwarves on the road, right, Kili?”

 

“Well, yes, but to be honest I’m starving,” Kili replied. “And it smells delicious too!”

 

“We’ll eat as soon as Bofur gets back. What do you say, Bifur?” Bombur nudged the scraggly, hirsute dwarf but he just grunted. “You’ll have to excuse him, he’s not feeling very chatty at the moment.”

 

Fili shrugged. “That’s all right. Is there anywhere we can put our ponies to graze?”

 

“Certainly. There’s an enclosure out back, it ought to do for a few days.”

 

By the time Fili and Kili had tended to their ponies and cleaned up from their ride, Bofur had returned from the woods. They ate Bombur’s stew in comfortable silence as the night gradually fell outside, filling the air with the chirr of crickets. After dinner was over, Bofur took a large clay pot from one of the shelves and uncorked it before presenting it to them. The scent of pipe-weed tickled Fili’s nostrils.

 

“Southlinch, and some of the finest,” Bofur said. “Would you care for some?”

 

Fili was impressed. Offering pipe-weed was a great token of respect and friendship, especially for dwarves who had no easy access to it. Their own supply was growing thin, as a matter of fact.

 

“Where did you find it?” Kili asked as they were stuffing their pipes.

 

“One of the men in the village trades in leaf,” Bombur said. “He gets it directly from the Shire.”

 

“And how are your relations with the men of Kern?” Fili asked.

 

“Oh, just fine,” Bofur said between two puffs. “We provide them with lumber and repair their tools in exchange for the food we can’t grow on our own. They’re a friendly bunch.”

 

“Really? I find that hard to believe,” Kili said. “The men in Arnvale have always regarded us with suspicion. In fact, I think our uncle means for us to leave as soon as we can.”

 

“Leave?” Bofur repeated, suddenly more serious. “There is nowhere else to go.”

 

Fili leaned forward over the table. “You know what we’re talking about. Thorin hasn’t lost hope.”

 

“Aye, and he’s right. There is always hope. But as long as we don’t have tangible signs that it can be done, we should make do with the life we have here.”

 

Fili glanced around the cosy little cottage, so different from the stone halls he had always known. Is this what their kin wanted? Had they grown so used to the ways of men that they had lost sight of the ways of dwarves?

 

“I know what you’re thinking, lad,” Bofur said, not unkindly. “But I can assure that when our king calls, whenever that may be, we will answer.” He leaned back on his chair and looked up pensively at the ceiling. “We’re the last dwarves in Kern, you know. There are still a few scattered here and there in the mountains but all the others have left to go to the cities, where the money is. Oh, they’re hammering away and making jewels and trading stones, but they don’t care about anything else but gold and silver. They’re not the ones who will stand and fight for Thorin Oakenshield, I can tell you that.”

 

“ _Elgram_!” Bifur growled.

 

“That’s right, brother. But we're not cowards, are we?"

 

The next day, Bofur invited Fili and Kili to join him in the forest to chop up the wood he had cut the previous day. They worked in the cool shade of the trees, yet the forest was thick with heat. Fili had hastily gotten rid of his tunic and was soon slick with sweat, but he welcomed the task and the strain it put on his muscles. Perhaps there was something to it, this simple life of work, brotherhood and peaceful evenings smoking pipeweed. No hopes of glory, no risk of ruin, no worries of the future or the past. It was hard to believe that these were the same companions who had followed Thorin into battle so many years ago.

 

"You should've seen Bombur at the time," Bofur told them while they were having lunch over a flagon of wine. "He was just a mass of muscles, and he could take on the best of them, even Dwalin."

 

"How'd he get so big?" Kili asked, bewildered.

 

"What can I tell you, he likes cooking more than he likes war," Bofur replied with a grin. "The three of us were the most fearsome bastards you could imagine. Give us an axe or a mace and I reckon we'd still have it in us, even Bifur."

 

Fili had no trouble believing that. Although he spent most of his time carving strange wooden animals by the hearth, he sometimes started growling in Khuzdul in such ferocious tones that Fili couldn't help a shiver of dread, and the axe lodged in his head certainly didn't help. But Bofur and Bombur seemed unperturbed, and cared for him with a gentle regard that was moving to watch.

 

"They're a strange bunch, aren't they?" Kili told Fili while they were giving water to their horses.

 

"I suppose, but for some reason, I truly believe that they're still faithful to Thorin," Fili said.

 

"Do you really think they'll fight for him?"

 

"If it comes to that. But who knows when that will be?"

 

Kili's face grew grave and he lowered his voice. "I've heard rumors, Fili. They say that Oin is spending more and more time in the observatory, looking at the stars and the birds. He feels something's coming."

 

"This wouldn't be the first time," Fili said dismissively.

 

"No, I can feel it too, things are about to change! Why do you think Thorin sent us here? Why now? It's not just to gather news about our kin... He wants to know who if there are still dwarves ready to fight for Erebor!"

 

Fili didn't know what to think. The idea of taking back Erebor filled him with both wild hope and muted fear. Of course, this was the Durins' seat, the only way for their uncle to claim his rightful place as king, but on the other hand, he didn't know what this new life would bring. Ered Luin was his home; Erebor had never been anything else than a fantasy.

 

"Maybe you're right," he admitted. "But let's not talk about it until we're sure this is indeed the case."

 

"If you say so, brother. Just keep in mind that we may have to fight soon too."

 

That night after dinner, Bofur suggested that they go to the nearby inn for a pint. They were quick to accept, eager for a few fresh pints of ale. But where Fili had expected an inn similar to the Stone Raven, they found a rustic, slightly run-down farmhouse on the outskirts of the village. Cows were grazing right up to the threshold of the single common room.

 

"I guess you're not used to this kind of place," Bofur said. "But I guarantee the ale is the finest you'll ever taste."

 

They took their seats at a small table near the hearth. The room was clouded with pipe smoke and noisy with laughter. Almost all the men there seemed to know Bofur, and they greeted him raucously when he passed by them.

 

"You come here often, then?" Fili asked as three pints were directly brought to them by the buxom hostess without Bofur even having to ask.

 

"Often enough. Not every night, though. It wouldn't be fair to Bombur to leave him all the work."

 

"Why don't the others come with you?" Kili asked.

 

"Bifur's not really one for social outings, and he tends to wander off if we're not around," Bofur replied, as even though his smile was as cheery as ever, it was tinged with something bitter. "One of us has to stay at home to make sure he doesn't get into trouble."

 

Kili shook his head. "That's awful. Isn't there anything that can cure him?"

 

"We took him to the best doctor we could find after his accident, but nothing doing. So for now, we just have to take things as they are."

 

He raised his pint and the brothers clinked theirs to it. The ale was indeed delicious, thick and fragrant and laced with a sweet honey taste. Fili licked the creamy foam from his moustache and soon the pints were empty, only to be instantly replaced with new ones.

 

After the third round, Bofur took out his flute and joined in some of the men in a song. They sang one, and then another, and before long the men were drinking at their table, cheering and clanging their pints with theirs. Through the slight haze that was starting to cloud his mind, Fili was amazed at the easy manner with which Bofur interacted with the men. They not only seemed to accept him, but genuinely enjoy his company. Even the hostess kept teasing him, until Bofur finally grabbed her by the waist and she whispered something in his ear that made him laugh out loud.

 

Suddenly, a vivid image of Meleda appeared in Fili's mind, and his longing for her returned with agonising acuteness. He imagined himself grabbing her wrist to pull her down on his lap, and her laughing joyfully in his arms. Not only would her uncle not allow it, but Dwalin would have his skin right there and then.

 

"Cheer up, brother," Kili said, slapping his arm with unmeasured force. "We're here to have a good time."

 

Fili raised an eyebrow. The younger dwarf's cheeks were very red and his eyes were swivelling. "How many pints have you had to drink?"

 

"Oh, why do you always to be such a killjoy? Relax, for once Mother and Uncle Thorin aren't here to tell us what to do!"

 

He finished his pint in a long, sloppy mouthful and slapped it down on the table before joining Bofur, who had started to dance in time with the music of his flute, cheered on by the rest of the inn.

 

When they left the inn a few hours later, it was pitch-black outside, and Kili could barely walk. Bofur propped his arm on his shoulder and helped him on the rocky path leading back to the cottage.

 

"Your little brother can't hold his beer very well, can he?" he said pleasantly.

 

Fili wasn't quite so bad off, but he still had to concentrate not to stumble on the uneven stones. How did Bofur manage to keep it together after drinking so many rounds? Even Gloin, undoubtedly Ered Luin's biggest drinker, would be noticeably tipsy after a dozen pints.

 

"I think we ought to just get him to bed," Fili said with a laugh. "He's going to be in a sorry state tomorrow."

 

"We'll fight until the very last!" Kili exclaimed. "We're the dwarves of Erebor!"

 

Fili shook his head. "Here he goes."

 

"We'll walk right up to that dragon and show him what we're made of!"

 

"All right, lad, but let's wait until morning," Bofur said with a grunt, trying to hold his weight.

 

No sooner had they reached the cottage that Kili stumbled down on his mat near the hearth and started snoring, leaving Fili to take off his boots. When he was done, he joined Bofur who was smoking his pipe outside and looking at the stars.  

 

"Sorry about that," Fili said. "He's not used to drinking that much."

 

"No need to apologise. I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves. Your uncle's not one for feasts and celebrations, is he?"

 

"Not for a long time, no."

 

"He never was, really. It's a shame. Dwarves aren't only meant to sing sorrowful songs."

 

Fili looked at him. There was something almost intimate about their surroundings, between the small home plunged in darkness and the forest bristling softly all around them.

 

"You made friends among the men," he said. "It's unusual, for our kind."

 

"It's not unheard of, though. We used to live side by side with them in the days of Erebor. And if we want to become great again, we won't be able to do it without building peace with other races of Middle-Earth."

 

"Even elves?"

 

"Elves are a different matter. But men aren't so unlike us. They enjoy the simple things, and they take pleasure where they can. And they're stronger than we think, in many ways."

 

"But... a dwarf and a man... or rather, a dwarf and a woman, like the hostess at the inn..."

 

"Oh. I see what you're getting at," Bofur said in a teasing tone. "Was it my behaviour that shocked you?"

 

"No, no, not at all, only... It's unnatural, isn't it?"

 

Bofur laughed. "In my opinion, there's naught more natural than that."

 

"That doesn't mean we should..." Fili shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense. It must be wrong."

 

Bofur turned to him and smiled. He seemed to understand at last. " _She_ won't think so, whoever she is, as long as she's chosen you."

 

Fili stayed silent for a moment. "She might have, but their lives... they're so different. They're so _short_."

 

"Do not think that a dwarf's life goes on forever, lad," Bofur said in a sombre tone. "I've seen more than one die too young. You are prince of Durin, aye, born to honour and serve your line, but that does not mean you should let your heart go to waste."

 

Fili had no answer to that, but Bofur didn't seem to be expecting one. He simply kept on watching the stars as they shone over the mountain.

 

                                                                


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last part of my story, but it turned out much longer than I expected, so there will be a fifth chapter which will be posted next week. Enjoy!

The soft, dim glow of the lantern sent shadows looming on the rugged wall of the mine. Outside the wind was thick with snow and howling relentlessly. Fili huddled under his furs, but sleep would not come to him, and he stared wide-eyed at the small windows that had been carved into the rock to let fresh air inside. A blunt pang of disappointment shot through him at the idea of the snow-covered landscape they were sure to find the next morning.

 

These past few days, he had let himself hope that the brilliant sun shining over the mountains meant spring had come at last and that it would soon do away with the last traces of winter. They would cross the pass of Ulvam and return home alongside the little streams forming and swelling in the grass. But earlier that day, dark clouds had gathered in the sky and a gust of cold wind had come rushing down the mountain. By nightfall, winter had returned.

 

Kili was sleeping soundly next to him, the top of his face barely sticking out from under his dark pelt. A little further away lay a group of dwarves, their pick axes carefully propped against the wall; Fili could make out Dwalin's strong, burly frame amongst them. Where they were staying wasn't a proper dwarven hall, rather a temporary camp. Thorin sought to exploit the other side of the mountain - theirs by right, he argued, since dwarven territory was counted in layers of rock and not surface, like the territories of men - and had asked Dwalin to open a mine.

 

"Take Fili and Kili with you for the winter," he'd told him. "During the heavy snowfalls, they can't walk down to Arnvale anyway. Show them how it's done."

 

"As you say, my king," Dwalin had replied. "Will you not be coming with us?"

 

"I have business in the East," Thorin had replied in a tone that allowed no further questions.

 

Not that Dwalin ever questioned Thorin, Fili thought. He could well have them working in this desolated hole until summer, even if they kept hacking away at rock fruitlessly. So far Fili hadn't learned much about starting a mine, as he and Kili were dispatched to hunt for the rest of the group and spent most of their time outside.  

 

Fili turned to his side and closed his eyes. Balin had once told them that time wasn't the same for humans, dwarves and elves. For an elf, a year was no longer than a day; for a dwarf, time passed by at the same speed as a hair could grow; for a human, every hour was like a life in its own, some flashing by quickly, other dragging on for a considerable time. Until now, Fili had never understood what the older dwarf meant, but as the days and weeks lingered on, his impatience to return to Arnvale made him increasingly restless. He had never experienced such a feeling of frustration, and at the same time, he never tired of running over and over again through his mind the memories of his meetings with Meleda.

 

After coming home from Kern, he and his brother had returned to their daily routine, but Fili kept pondering over Bofur’s words. What if he was right? What if avoiding Meleda and steeling his heart against any possible pleasure or distraction from his duty was simply letting his life go to waste? His uncle may never sit on the throne of his fathers again. What then? Should Fili simply let years pass, waiting for an inheritance that would never come?

 

Yet in spite of his wavering will, he had not dared seek Meleda out, and had only caught glimpses of her around the Stone Raven. She had been the one to come to him again, using an errand she had to pick up for her uncle at Oswal’s forge as an opportunity to talk to him.

 

“My lord, you were gone for some time,” she had murmured to him while Oswal scurried in the back of his shop. “I was afraid you had left for good.”

 

Fili glanced uneasily at Kili, but his brother stayed stubbornly turned towards his anvil. Either he couldn’t hear Meleda, either he was choosing to ignore them.

 

“Please, do not address me so,” he replied in a quiet voice.

 

A pang of hurt passed in her dark eyes. “You wish for me not to talk to you?”

 

“No, that’s not what I meant! But… I am no lord. Call me Fili.”

 

“As you wish… Fili.”

 

She smiled and warmth bloomed in his chest. She was so lovely in the soft afternoon light that he found himself staring. Flustered, he glanced away.

 

“I’m sorry I haven’t gone to the Stone Raven with my companions, only…”

 

“I understand. It’s very crowded and noisy in there, isn’t it? When we close for the night, I like to go walk among the ruins of the Keep of the Kings. It’s so… peaceful.”

 

Fili’s mouth went dry and his pulse quickened. There was no mistaking why she was telling him this. But before he could answer her, Oswal came back and Meleda took the parcel from him without a word. A moment later, she was gone, and Fili was left with what seemed like a brick lodged in his stomach.

 

“Well, that’s it then,” Kili told him as soon as Oswal had his back turned again. “Are you going to meet her there?”

 

“You were listening all this time?”

 

“I was only a couple of feet away, I couldn’t _not_ hear!”

 

“I don’t know, I… I have to think.”

 

Kili raised an eyebrow at him. “She’s not interested in your _thinking_ , brother. Where’s your courage? Just go ahead!”

 

“You’ve had a change of heart since we came back from Kern,” Fili remarked. “What’s happened to you?”

 

Kili shrugged his shoulders but wouldn’t meet his eye for some reason. “Nothing. But she’s got quite some nerve coming here twice. That counts for something, doesn’t it?”

 

For once, Fili had been the one to see the truth in his little brother’s words and heed his advice. As soon as the moon had risen over the Blue Mountains, he’d slipped out of the hall of Ered Luin and made his way across the forest to the grassy hill on the outskirts of the town, where the Keep of Kings once stood. It hadn’t really been a keep, according to Balin, just an outpost of the Kingdom of Arthedain, and now all that was left of it were bits of statues with empty eyes and a few crumbling walls.

 

Under the moonlight, though, it was enchanting. His heart pounding hard against his chest, Fili ambled amongst the silent ruins, too nervous to call out. What if Meleda wasn’t there? Surely the inn had closed at this hour, but perhaps she had changed her mind, or he had misread her intentions…

 

Then he saw her, sitting on a low ledge, hugging herself against the freshness of the night and giving wary, skittish glances around her. When she saw him, she stood up and tried to smile at him but her breath seemed to come short. Fili was so enraptured by the sight of her that he was a bit breathless himself. A memory of his dream flashed through his mind with uncomfortable clarity.

 

“Meleda,” he said. “I’m… glad to see you here.”

 

“My lord – Fili. You’ve come.”

 

“Would you… would you like to take a walk?”

 

It seemed like a silly thing to say given the circumstances, but his mind could think of no words that would properly express what he was feeling. She nodded and they started to wander together, exploring these ancient vestiges of a past glory. Fili had always found such sights disheartening, but not with Meleda by his side. She moved as lightly and quickly as a bird next to him, and started to tell him about the legends she had heard about the keep.

 

“They say that on Midsummer’s Eve, if you climb at the top of the old tower, you can hear the elves sing about Arthedain.”

 

“Elves in the mountain?”

 

“Oh yes, there are elves everywhere. They’re the keepers of the forest and the -”

 

Her flimsy sole had slipped on the edge of a stone just then, forcing a gasp out of her throat, and she’d stumbled right into him. Fili had held her up, his large hands enveloping her thin arms, and they’d stayed for a moment looking at each other, both of them overwhelmed by this sudden proximity. At that moment, Fili’s mind had emptied completely, save for the irrepressible impulse to lean down and press his lips to hers.

 

 

#

 

 

It had been much easier after that, as if that first kiss had broken a damn and let loose an ebullient flow of yearning. They had met often through the summer and into the fall, and always in the ruins of the keep. The first few times, they were so eager for each other that they barely said a word, simply gorging on each other’s eyes and mouth and heat.

 

Fili’s hands, trembling from the roaring fire in his veins, had clutched at Meleda’s body and tried every which way they could to bring her closer to him, and even when she was pressed tightly against him it wasn’t close enough. His fingers ached to yank away the garments keeping her skin from his, a physical ache he could feel as real as a wound. Yet even in the moments where he thought he would lose his mind from the lust erupting within him, he forced himself not to take advantage of her. He was prince of Durin, he reminded himself, not a vulgar brute, and she was a honourable, gentle young woman – his _paramour_.

 

He had deemed the term ridiculous when Kili had used it, but it seemed fitting now. For Meleda wasn’t simply a pretty maid with lips as intoxicating as the finest ale. The way she beamed every time she saw him filled him with joy, and he took as much pleasure simply lying in the grass with her and holding her slender frame in his arms as in their more passionate activities.

 

Meleda was curious about Fili’s life in Ered Luin. For all the dwarves she saw at the Stone Raven, she knew little about their ways or their history. She had been born long after Durin’s folk came to the Blue Mountains; for her, they had simply always been there. Little by little, Fili had told her about his family and the lost kingdom his uncle had been forced to leave behind.

 

“Will you ever go back?” Meleda asked him.

 

“There’s no way inside the Lonely Mountain,” Fili replied. “And anyway, as long as that dragon’s there…”

 

“You’re brave, and a good fighter. You could slay him, just like the heroes from the songs. They always slay dragons.”

 

Meleda had never been taught to read, but she knew countless songs, poems and tales, which she would sometimes recite, looking at the stars with wistful eyes. She never talked about her life with her uncle, and Fili didn’t ask.

 

“You’d get along with my brother Kili,” he told her once. “He likes stories – especially love stories, it seems. We caught him reading the tale of Beren and Luthien when he was younger.”

 

“It’s one of my favourites. The elf maiden whose voice was so beautiful it brought back spring, in love with a mortal man…” She paused for a moment. “Do you think that’s possible? For an elf and a man to love each other?”

 

“Better that than an elf and a dwarf.”

 

Her face was tinted with melancholy all of a sudden. “Don’t say that.”

 

It had taken him a moment to understand why she was sad, but he slowly realised she must be wondering if a dwarf could love a mortal woman.

 

And he did, as terrifying as it was. He did love her. He didn’t know what to do with this love, and by all means it had no right to exist, but it was nestled deep inside him now, with no way out.

 

 

#

 

Fili woke up in the cold to his brother’s grinning face. He pushed the furs back and squinted against the harsh light coming from the open doors of the cave.

 

“Snow’s stopped, and the sun is shining,” Kili said. “Let’s go before it all melts away.”

 

“Give me a moment.”

 

“Hurry up, will you? I have my bow and arrow all ready!”

 

Kili handed him a strip of dried meat to break his fast, which Fili swallowed down voraciously. Then he slipped his clothes and fur coat on over his undergarments, armed himself with his blades and goring knife and followed his brother out the door. On their way, they nodded in greeting at Dwalin, who was bent over the map of the tunnels they had dug so far with a dismal expression.

 

“Last night, I overheard some of the diggers say the rock is bare,” Kili said in a low voice. “They'll have to go deep if they want to find a vein here.”

 

They stepped outside into the blanket of fresh snow, their boots sinking within it down to the ankle.

 

“We could be much more useful elsewhere,” Fili grumbled. “Why did Thorin send us here if it's only to hunt? Any dwarf with decent aim could do that!”

 

“Why do you think? He's always been wary of having us stay in the company of men for too long, lest we get used to their ways or...”

 

Kili coughed and Fili shot him a look. “Finish your sentence, brother.”

 

“Do I have to? Be glad I’m the only one who knows about this. At least you're safe here from anyone finding out.”

 

Fili didn't say anything and started to trudge through the snow. Suddenly, he didn't want to think of what would happen when they returned home. Thorin had been too preoccupied with his own affairs to notice something was amiss, but if Fili aroused his suspicion in any way, his uncle would only be too keen to keep a watchful eye on him.

 

Despite his darkened mood, their hunt was successful. It was easy to find tracks in the snow, and when they came back at high noon, they had five grouses and three mountains hares. Fili had hoped to catch a chamois, but the pack he'd seen two days earlier had vanished. Perhaps he should ask Dwalin to journey down into the forest to find some boars.

 

Yet when they approached the mine, they found him in a state of great unrest. As soon as he spotted them, he stalked towards them, brandishing a piece of parchment.

 

“A messenger eagle brought this not an hour ago,” he said. “A summon from Thorin to leave the rest of the party at the mine and return the three of us to Ered Luin as soon as we can.”

 

“What? Why?” Kili exclaimed, letting his game fall to the ground. “Did something happen to Mother?”

 

“He says nothing of Dis, but his order is clear. And he would only dispatch an eagle if it were urgent.”

 

“Well, when can we leave?” asked Fili.

 

“Let’s see if the weather holds tomorrow. If it does, we shall leave at dawn on the next day.”

 

This was either a fantastic stroke of luck or a terrible omen, Fili thought as they made their way over the pass two days later. He was anxious for his mother's safety and wellbeing, but the idea of holding Meleda against him once again came pushing its way back into his thoughts, and his nerves seemed to be more aware of it with each step.

 

The sun was setting when they finally reached the hall of Ered Luin. Dis had come out to greet them, her black hair fluttering in the wind. Dwalin dropped on one knee before her and bowed his head.

 

“My lady, I am glad to see you well,” he said. “I - we thought something might have happened to you for Thorin to call us back so quickly.”

 

“You are took kind to worry for me,” she said, taking his hand to help him up, then hugging both her sons in turn. “But I’m afraid there’s not time for niceties. When the lookouts saw you coming down the mountain, Thorin called for the council to meet immediately. They're waiting for you, so you had better hurry.”

 

Fili and Kili shared a worried glance. What matter could be so grave that Thorin called the council with such haste? Without even changing their soiled clothes, they made their way to the council room.

 

There on the carved stone benches sat Balin, Oin, Gloin and the other heads of the most prominent families in Ered Luin. Thorin was standing in front of them, his eyes pale and hard as steel.

 

“Here you are at last,” he said when he saw Dwalin and his nephews enter the room. “Take a seat, quickly. I have news to discuss with the council that cannot wait.”

 

“Will you tell us what’s happening in the East? What took you there for so many weeks?” Gloin asked.

 

“I was looking for my father.”

 

A murmur of shock passed through the room and the dwarves all started asking questions at once, but Thorin silenced them with a wave of his hand.

 

“I heard rumours that he had been seen in the wild. I searched far and wide for him but nothing came of it. However, I gained some information about the Lonely Mountain and the dragon Smaug in accordance with the signs Oin has read.”

 

Oin nodded gravely. “Aye. I have been observing the flight of the birds, and it is becoming clearer.”

 

“The time has come,” Thorin intoned. “Our wait is over.”

 

Balin stared at him wide-eyed. “Do you mean to say -?”

 

“Yes. We are going back to Erebor.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is few months too late, but real life started to suck and got in the way of writing as it sometimes does. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and for your patience!

By the time Fili arrived at the ruins of the keep, he was out of breath from running, and his eyes darted around eagerly, seeking Meleda out. She _had_ to be there. When he’d gone to town earlier that day, using the pretext that Oswal the blacksmith should be warned that they wouldn’t be returning to his employ, he’d made sure to pass by the Stone Raven and stop to chat with the dwarves who were drinking there. When Meleda had seen him, a flood of joy and relief had filled her gaze though she was careful to keep her expression still. But their eyes had unmistakeably met in a silent promise to meet that night.

 

He advanced further inside the mouldering galleries and squinted through the shadows. Dense clouds were rolling in the sky, hiding the moon, and the valley was cloaked in darkness. Suddenly, he felt a small hand on his shoulders and turned around. Despite the obscurity, he could make out Meleda’s gentle features and soft smile, and his arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her close.

 

“Fili, you were gone for so long,” she breathed in his ear. “I was going mad, waiting for you to come back!”

 

“All the while, I was dreaming of this moment,” he said, stroking her hair. “You never left my thoughts.”

 

Their lips met in a fervent kiss, and all the sensations Fili had summoned in his mind during his months away came rushing back, so swiftly and forcefully that it made his head spin. He broke the kiss with a little lurch, anxious not to get carried away so soon after their reunion.

 

“Is there something wrong?” she asked.

 

“No, but…” A droplet fell on his forehead. He looked up at the murky sky. “I think it’s starting to rain.”

 

They took shelter in a small stone alcove and Fili covered them both with his thick mantle. He could feel Meleda’s thin frame shivering against him as he told her about his mining trip.

 

“Are you all right?” he said after a while. “Your cloak is so light… Did you have nothing else to wear during the winter?”

 

“Oh, it’s always warm inside the inn,” she replied vaguely, “and I didn’t go out too much…”

 

More likely her miser of an uncle didn’t bother getting her any winter clothes, Fili thought darkly. He drew her closer to him. “Next winter, you’ll have a proper one, made from the finest wool and fur. When I come back, I -”

 

Meleda pulled back and looked up at him. “When you come back? Are you leaving again?”

 

“Well, yes, but it’s not for work this time,” he replied, hardly able to contain his excitement. “It’s a quest – not just any quest, a quest to reclaim our homeland from Smaug the Terrible.”

 

“Wait. Do you mean… you’re going back to Erebor?”

 

“We are. My uncle is gathering our most courageous fighters as we speak and mounting an expedition like the dwarven realms haven’t seen for a hundred years! Kili and I are leaving in seven days.”

 

“Oh, Fili…” she murmured, her voice wet with tears.

 

“Don’t cry, now,” he said, brushing his thumb against the curve of her chin. “I know it’s a hasty departure, but even if we’re separated for a few months, next time we see each other, I’ll finally be able to take you away from that horrible inn… You’ll leave Arnvale with me and -”

 

“Can’t you see?” she interrupted him. “If you leave on this mission, there _won’t_ be a next time.”

 

“It’ll be dangerous, to be sure,” Fili said, a bit hurt at what she was implying, “but Kili and I can hold our own in the face of danger.”

 

“I’m not talking about your fighting skills, nor your bravery. I never doubted those. But your uncle will the king of Erebor, won’t he?”

 

“What of it?”

 

“And you’ll be a prince, his heir. You won’t be able to come back even if you want to.” She shook her head. “You’ll have to marry a noble maid and in time you’ll forget all about me.”

 

“That’s not true!” Fili defended himself. “I was born here, same as you, and I don’t care about marrying a noble maid. I just want you.”

 

“You say that now, but everything will change. You’ll have a new life, and I won’t be part of it.” She wiped the wetness from her cheek with the back of her palm and stood up.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, a strange sort of panic seizing his throat. “Don’t leave, please!”

 

“I don’t blame you, Fili, not at all. But it hurts me too much to be with you when I know you’ll soon be gone forever.”

 

“Please, Meleda…”

 

His fingers squeezed around hers but her small hand slipped away as she yanked herself free. He leapt to his feet, but before he could catch up with her, she had disappeared into the rainy night.

 

 

#

 

 

Kili peered at the map laid out on the table in front of him and grinned. “The road to Forlindon seems simple enough. Why, we shouldn’t take more than three days to get there!”

 

The common hall was filled with dwarves smoking and chatting idly, as if nothing of importance was happening. Fili glowered at them, their pitiful excuses for not joining the expedition echoing in his head. Why had Thorin even allowed them a choice? _When he’s king again, they’ll be the first to grovel_ , he thought bitterly.

 

“That’s not counting on the whims of the weather, lad,” said Balin, who was sitting opposite from the two brothers. “If you get caught up in storm showers, it’ll slow you down, and don’t forget it can still snow at this time of year.”

“I bet you we can make from Forlindon to the Shire in less than a week,” boasted Kili. “We’ll be the first to arrive at the meeting point!”

 

“There’s no need to be hasty. Remember what Dwalin told you before he left – the most important thing is to get a good deal on provisions with the merchants of the port.” The older dwarf sighed. “I’m not sure it was a wise idea to send the two of you to negotiate, but I suppose you should learn if you’re to be crowned princes of Durin soon.”

 

“We can do anything Thorin asks of us! Isn’t that right, Fili?”

 

“I suppose,” Fili shrugged.

 

“Come on, then,” Kili said, punching his shoulder, “aren’t you excited to be on the way?”

 

“I am,” Fili replied irritably, “but you sound like you don’t realise how difficult this is going to be! Who can tell what’s going to happen during this quest? Or afterwards, for that matter?”

 

An uncomfortable silence fell over them. Balin cleared his throat and stood from his chair.

 

“I’ll leave you two to discuss your plans,” he said. “Come to my study when you’re done.”

 

As Balin left the hall, Kili faced his brother with a scowl. “What’s wrong with you? You were ready to leave on the spot when Thorin announced we were going back to Erebor, and now you’re acting like you want to back out!”

 

“Of course I don’t want to back out.”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

Fili wanted to tell him everything and alleviate the ache weighing down on his heart, but Kili couldn’t possibly understand. What would his brother say if he knew Fili went down every night to the ruins, only to sit in silence when Meleda didn’t come, the thought that he might never see her again gnawing away at him? Kili would think he was mad. Maybe he was indeed.

 

“Nothing,” Fili grumbled. “Only… we know what we’re leaving behind, but we don’t know what we’re heading towards. What if it’s not what we expect?”

 

“That’s what’s exciting! Think of all the adventure and glory waiting for us!”

 

“Nevermind. I’ll feel better once we’re on our way and far from here.”

 

“Well, you only have three days left to wait. But cheer up, all right? We’ve been waiting for this moment our entire lives, dreamed about it since we were dwarflings, the one chance to do right by our ancestors. And we’re lucky enough to be of an age where we can fight alongside Thorin.”

 

Fili nodded. “You’re right, brother. And I’ll be by your side no matter what happens.”

 

“As will I,” Kili said with a smile. “As will I.”

 

 

#

 

 

The saddles were packed and the arms sharpened, the ponies fed and rested. Fili lay in the cool grass near the ruins and looked up at the sky. A tear in the clouds revealed a smattering of stars, and even in his wretched loneliness, it made him glad to have come. He was too agitated to sleep in any case, so there was no point staying in his room. Better to enjoy the fresh air of the Blue Mountains while he could.

 

He closed his eyes, heavy with longing. The grass rustled around him, and he could almost imagine footsteps parting it, coming near him…

 

“Fili.”

 

He opened his eyes and sat up. Meleda was standing a few feet away from him, her expression uneasy and her countenance guarded.

 

“Meleda!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Your brother came to see me the day before last. He told me you were not in good spirits, that he was worried for you, and that you might find comfort in seeing me… So I came here. I was afraid I wouldn’t find you, but…”

 

Something wavered deep inside him and he stepped closer to embrace her, dumb with emotion. She broke down into his arms and sobs racked her skinny body.

 

“I thought avoiding you would make it easier…” she said in strangled voice. “But it was even worse… knowing I would never see you again…”

 

“You will,” Fili said, squeezing her even tighter. “I’ll come back, I swear it. Even if it takes a whole year, or even two… I will not forget my promise.”

 

“Then I’ll wait for you.”

 

They kissed and reason quickly drained from Fili’s mind. When he felt her nimble hands slipping under his tunic, a torrent of desire roiled through him, threatening to wipe away the last of his self-control.

 

“Meleda,” he rasped, “are you sure you -”

 

She placed her fingertips on his mouth to silence him and knelt down in the grass, bringing him down with her. She looked so slight and fragile, lying there under him, that he was almost afraid to touch her. But her eyes were filled with a burning determination and, emboldened in her desperation, she guided his hand under the hem of her skirt and up her leg. One touch of her smooth skin and Fili knew he was lost.

 

All of a sudden, it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough. His hand impatiently crept up her thigh, while the other tugged at the neckline of her dress to reveal more of the creamy expanse of her chest. He traced his lips on the tender flesh and she gave a little cry, then another when his fingers finally found the supple warmth of her centre. He stroked her hesitantly at first, then more deliberately, revelling in the liquid fire that surrounded his fingers, until the blush from her face spread to her neck and she lay unfurled before him.

 

Fili unlaced himself, clumsy and trembling from the ardour that coursed through his body and she urged him on, inhaling sharply when they were finally joined. They fit together like two pieces from a broken whole, a sensation so perfect and acute it sent him reeling. He tried to be cautious so as to savour it, but her breathless pleading and his own haste soon caught up with him, making him almost frantic. Before long he lay spent in her arms, his head cradled against her bosom where he could hear her racing heart.

 

Above them, the clouds flowed slowly from one end of the sky to the other, like sand seeping through an hourglass.

 

 

 

#

 

 

“Be careful, son. And listen to your brother, do you understand?”

 

“Mother, please, I know how to take care of myself!”

 

Fili looked over his shoulder as he adjusted the girth of his pony’s saddle. Dis was holding Kili in a tight embrace, and Kili was pretending to protest against her attentions. But he was hugging her all the same.

 

Balin had come to see them off as well, and he stood pensive in front of the great door of Ered Luin, contemplating the rising sun over the jagged horizon of the Blue Mountains.

 

“When will you leave to meet us in the Shire?” Fili asked him.

 

“In a week or so. There are still many things that need to be taken care of here.”

 

Fili lowered his voice. “Comfort Mother, if you can. It’s the first time she’ll be alone for so long.”

 

“Aye, lad. I’ll try my best.”

 

They bade each other a warm farewell, then Fili turned to his mother.

 

“Fare well, my son,” she said, then pressed her forehead against his. “May Aulë be with you.”

 

“We’ll see each other soon in Erebor, Mother.”

 

“Keep an eye on Kili,” she murmured, “and make sure he stays out of trouble. You know how he is, so eager and careless.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll see that he gets back in one piece,” he replied, half-laughing.

 

A tear rolled down Dis’s cheek but she smiled all the same, and stood back to let him mount his pony. A moment later, they were off. Fili fought back the urge to look back at his mother, her dark hair dancing in the spring breeze; it would only make things more difficult.

 

“Look at what Mother gave me,” Kili said as they descended the mountain path. He held out his hand; a black rune stone gleamed in his palm. “She said it would protect me in combat.”

 

“Very nice, but I would rather rely on my bow and arrow if I were you,” Fili remarked.

 

Kili pocketed the stone with a grin. “You’re just jealous because you have no such charm to bring you luck. That’s one advantage I have over you, brother.”

 

Fili said nothing, but he thought of the worn, pale blue ribbon pinned inside the lapel of his coat. Before they had parted in the night, Meleda had untied it from her hair and given it to him.

 

“In the stories, a lady always gives her knight her favour before he goes off to battle,” she’d told him. “That way, you’ll have something to remember me by.”

 

“I’ll wear it gladly,” he’d said. “But I don’t need this or anything else to remember you. I am yours now, and you are mine.”

 

He could still feel on his lips the last kiss they’d shared – _no, not the last_ , he corrected himself. After all, he had sworn he would return to her once they’d conquered Erebor.

From a corner of his mind, Balin’s voice came unbidden. _You are the heir of Durin, Fili. There are no promises you can make to her that won’t be lies._

He shook the thought away. He would prove Balin wrong – Balin, and all those who doubted him.

 

_Even if it takes a whole year, or even two… I will not forget my promise._

He was indeed a prince of Durin, and a prince of Durin kept his word.


End file.
